Dear Santa, Don't go!

Christmas time has that magical ring to it, which even the most cynical or practical of us, have to succumb to.  Especially with kids around, Christmas has that added zest and fervor.  A season of Santa letters and Santa gifts, the spell seems to be cast everywhere.

I remember how a few years back, my daughter, just a toddler those days would whisper into my ear, what she would like from Santa that year.  We would sit down with colored pencils, paper and assorted stationery and try and get the letter to Santa right.  The letter always had to start with a “Hi, how are you?... and what did you do the last one year?”  It also included the highlights of what she did the whole of last year (which usually didn’t get past the one week or so…), how good she has been, and how she wanted a doll, just like that one she saw in a shop nearby or a pencil-box like the one her friend had… The innocence of those words, the mischievous note in her tone when she would pester me to write that she had been good all year through…Oh, the magic of it all, of those chubby hands trying to guide my writing, those giggles, those whispers….those shared secrets…

The excitement as Christmas approached was palpable, the curiosity if she would get what she asked for and the gleam in her eyes when she found that gift under her pillow… On certain occasions she even imagined she could see Santa quietly slipping away from her window.  

Then the years rolled by, and she realized that the mystical and magical Santa who showered her with all the gifts she wanted was not ‘real’.  That it was we, her parents who were hiding all those gifts and ‘play-acting’ that there was a real Santa who was giving her those gifts.

I don’t know if she resented us for it, or if she took it in her stride, that this is what most parents do… But for quite a few years now, there are no letters to Santa, no whispering in the ear about what she wants for Christmas… How quickly time has flown and swept away the magic of Santa… I want her to know that though it’s good to be practical it’s not wrong to believe in some magic and indulge in it.

Today, as I attend a Christmas party and see Santa giving away gifts to the kids... I am overwhelmed with emotion… I can see my teenage daughter sitting with her friends, a ‘safe distance’ away from me, as teenagers are wont to do at this age… and I recollect memories of her in my lap jumping up and down with excitement and clapping happily as Santa walked in.  For a moment our eyes meet across the hall, bridging the gap of those years, as she gives me a shy smile before quickly turning her face away.  I want to hug her and shower her with the choicest of Christmas gifts... with love, happiness and whatever her heart desires…

Self-consciously I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye as Santa is leaving and my heart yearns to cry out,  “Dear Santa, Don’t go…not yet…”

First published in Chicken Soup for the Soul (Indian Mothers) 2010.