Rabbit Hole

I went down a rabbit hole trying to sort and organize old albums. Not digital, but printed photographs. Some are jaded with Time and have a strange and musty smell as if carrying the heaviness of years. 

These photographs carry a million worlds within them. The photographs of those who have left us and gone to better worlds...their youth, their dreams, their aspirations, their lives, all play out like a movie in my hands. Looking at these old pictures, I wonder if they had truly lived a life they wanted to or the one they had dreamed of. 

Personal photographs are tough to go through as well, where flashes of all that went on in one's mind and heart washes over, once again.  It is as if I have gone back to that Moment and Time in the Past. The innocence of those days, the fun times, the happy times, the momentous times full of joyous celebrations and wonderful heartwarming moments, everything appears just as the Present in those priceless pictures in my hands. The backstory to each one plays out in my mind's eye and takes me on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Most of the photographs make me smile, some leave me pensive, while a few hit a raw nerve of tough times hidden behind wry smiles. 

The journey that Life eventually took us on plays out as if I am living it all over again.  So many moments, so many memories....and yet, Life seems just a blur at this point, 'stopping briefly at beloved halts and moving sadly on' (Sarojini Naidu).  How quietly and deceptively these photographs carry lifetimes with them and churn a ocean of emotions in those that are left behind to preserve them. 

Everything becomes a bit overwhelming and I force myself to snap back but I am left with a deep sense of longing and nostalgia for the good old days. If only Time had been kinder. If only Life had been kinder. 

But, memories will have to do for now. These photographs will have to do for now.