Random Musings

Families lie. They lie to please, yet it hurts. Hurts real bad, when you finally stumble on the truth. I should have seen the tell-tale signs of my family’s unwillingness to tell me the truth. I should have sensed it in the gifts they brought me; in the way they avoided looking me in the eye when I asked them how I looked. Well, in case all this doesn’t make sense, then the good way to begin is at the beginning…. I think what prompted this strain of thought, is not one particular incident but a series of them actually. It is only on this cloudy, gloomy and terribly humid day, all of it became clear to me. I was sitting on the verandah, sipping my piping hot coffee, (beat the heat with the hot, was my mantra) when my thoughts traveled back in time, to all those years gone by, when I enjoyed doing just what I was doing today. And, I thought, ‘Next month’s my birthday, and I will turn 39 and enter the 40s’. I couldn’t believe it, 40, me? Why, it seemed just like the other day, when...

Today i pack one more carton and i know, i am that much closer to leaving this place, a place i call home today...somehow the distance already seems to be building as if i already belong no more... The milkman, the vegetable vendor, the newspaper delivery boy, the maid, all seem polite today...the warmth with which they greeted me, the innocuous news we exchanged, the stories we shared, are there no more...From the time I've told them of the move, something has imperceptibly changed...the warmth is now replaced by politeness, the casual and careless conversations somehow seem deliberate and affected...am i being too sensitive...that, i do not know, but i know, i sense, this place is mine no more... The elderly gentleman i used to occasionally meet on my walks, he lost in his thoughts, i in mine...and then we would sometimes just fall in step and discuss random things...the conversations always leaving us both with a lighter step and a better mood...Today, the dialogue is not so fo...